


Triple Trouble

by the_random_writer



Series: Triples [1]
Category: Bourne (Movies), Cut & Run - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux, RED (Movies), The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
Genre: Central Intelligence Agency, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Doppelganger, M/M, Snark, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 10:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4783469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_random_writer/pseuds/the_random_writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zane can't deal with the new CIA agents he and Ty have to work with, so turns to Nick for support.</p><p>A crossover fic that combines Cut & Run with my <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/324236">Separated Twins</a> series, featuring William Cooper from 'RED' and Kirill from 'The Bourne Supremacy'.</p><p>Will only make sense if you have seen both movies, and know about a certain facecast for Ty Grady.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Triple Trouble

Zane rushed into the tiny space, then slammed and locked the door behind him. He would be safe in here for at least an hour. The room had no windows, and the door was robustly built. Nobody would enter or exit unless he allowed it. They would eventually come looking for him, of this he was sure. In the meantime, he could sit down, gather his thoughts, examine the data and figure out how to resolve this diabolical situation.

He slumped back against the door, closed his eyes, relaxed his shoulders and took a few calming breaths, just as his sponsor had taught him all those years ago. In for three, out for three, in for three, out for three. Go to your happy place. Think of oceans and whales and puppies and flowers. Be calm. Be still. Be at peace with the world around you.

Slowly but surely, the panicking, anxious moment passed. He stepped across to the desk in the corner, dropped smoothly into the chair and jabbed at the switch to bring the laptop computer to life. There had been method in his madness when he'd fled to this space instead of the bathroom or the kitchen. He knew it contained an important link to the rest of the world. He could contact someone, tell them what was going on out at the front of the store, ask them to send in help before innocent blood was spilled.

He logged into Chat and scrolled through his list of names, trying to decide who to call. Someone from the CIA. No. He couldn't trust any of the assholes at Langley. They must have known this would eventually happen and had calmly abandoned them to their fate. They were probably laughing about it now over a few end-of-week drinks, taking bets on how long he and Ty would last, or who would live and who would die. He intended to have some very harsh words with management about that later, assuming he survived the night.

Someone from the FBI, then. Clancy was the most obvious choice. She'd already met their foe in the flesh and had expressed her interest in taking him down, so she of all people would surely be willing to help. But her status icon was set to 'Gone'. Hardly surprising, given it was almost five on a Friday night. Wonder of wonders, some federal security service agents actually managed to have a life.

The notification tone binged, indicating a new incoming message. It was Nick. Oh, thank fuck. He might be all the way up in Boston, but he could still help.

LUCKY:> Hey Garrett  
LUCKY:> How's it going?  
LUCKY:> You surfing for gay zombie porn again?

ZZTOP:> Nick  
ZZTOP:> I'm so glad you're online  
ZZTOP:> I need your help

LUCKY:> What's wrong?

ZZTOP:> I'm locked in the office at the back of the store

LUCKY:> Why the fuck are you locked in the office?  
LUCKY:> WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

ZZTOP:> The three of them are out there  
ZZTOP:> I had to find somewhere quiet to hide

LUCKY:> Is someone in the store?  
LUCKY:> Are you guys under attack?  
LUCKY:> WHERE THE FUCK IS TY?

ZZTOP:> What?  
ZZTOP:> No!  
ZZTOP:> We're not under attack  
ZZTOP:> Why would you think that?

LUCKY:> Thank God  
LUCKY:> Sorry man  
LUCKY:> Just the way you were talking there  
LUCKY:> Made me think some bad shit was about to go down

ZZTOP:> Sorry  
ZZTOP:> Poor choice of words on my part  
ZZTOP:> Didn't mean to scare you  
ZZTOP:> We're both fine

LUCKY:> Who are the three of them?  
LUCKY:> Where is out there?  
LUCKY:> And why the FUCK are you locked in the office?

ZZTOP:> Ty and the two CIA agents  
ZZTOP:> The reading area at the front of the store  
ZZTOP:> Because if I listen to them bitching at each other for ONE MORE FUCKING MINUTE  
ZZTOP:> I'm either gonna shoot one of them in the balls  
ZZTOP:> Or fucking HANG myself

LUCKY:> That is simultaneously the MOST accurate but LEAST helpful thing you have EVER told me  
LUCKY:> What CIA agents?  
LUCKY:> Jesus Garrett  
LUCKY:> Did you guys get dragged into some shitty black-ops thing?

ZZTOP:> Nothing like that  
ZZTOP:> Langley sent over two guys to work with the local FBI office  
ZZTOP:> They're trying to take out some Chechen criminal group with terrorist links  
ZZTOP:> The Company knows we used to work with Clancy's team  
ZZTOP:> They asked us to help out, make sure everyone plays nice

LUCKY:> That makes sense  
LUCKY:> So what's the problem?

ZZTOP:> The CIA guys?

LUCKY:> Yeah?

ZZTOP:> They're brothers

LUCKY:> That's a bit weird

ZZTOP:> Twin brothers

LUCKY:> Getting weirder

ZZTOP:> Identical twin brothers

LUCKY:> On the BOAT OF FUCKING WEIRD now  
LUCKY:> Identical twin brother CIA agents  
LUCKY:> I think I saw that in some shitty horror movie once  
LUCKY:> Do they wear the same clothes?  
LUCKY:> Are they telepathic?  
LUCKY:> Do they speak in unison?  
LUCKY:> Or finish each other's sentences?  
LUCKY:> Are they like the creepy sisters in 'The Shining'?  
LUCKY:> Is blood pouring out of the elevators?

ZZTOP:> Thankfully no on all counts

LUCKY:> Shame  
LUCKY:> So I'll ask again  
LUCKY:> What's the fucking problem?

ZZTOP:> The problem is the twins look really like Ty

LUCKY:> Seriously Garrett  
LUCKY:> You're telling me you're losing your shit in a locked room at the back of the store  
LUCKY:> Because two CIA guys look a bit like your husband?

ZZTOP:> You don't understand  
ZZTOP:> I mean REALLY like him  
ZZTOP:> As in 'separated at birth' like him

LUCKY:> You mean like doppelgangers?

ZZTOP:> Yeah

LUCKY:> Oh man  
LUCKY:> That is so fucked up!

ZZTOP:> You seriously have no idea  
ZZTOP:> I'm basically dealing with three versions of Ty

LUCKY:> Fuck me sideways with a chainsaw

ZZTOP:> Yes that is actually what it feels like

LUCKY:> Are the other two as crazy as Ty?

ZZTOP:> Depends

LUCKY:> On what?

ZZTOP:> Which twin you're talking about  
ZZTOP:> The older twin  
ZZTOP:> Guy by the name of Cooper?

LUCKY:> Yeah?

ZZTOP:> He's Ty except normal

LUCKY:> Did you just imply your husband is abnormal?

ZZTOP:> What?  
ZZTOP:> No!  
ZZTOP:> Okay yes  
ZZTOP:> But in a very loving way  
ZZTOP:> And you know EXACTLY what I mean

LUCKY:> That I do

ZZTOP:> So think of Ty

LUCKY:> Yeah?

ZZTOP:> Then think of him happily married  
ZZTOP:> But to a woman instead of a man  
ZZTOP:> With two adorable kids and a dog  
ZZTOP:> Big house out in the burbs  
ZZTOP:> Hybrid minivan in the garage  
ZZTOP:> Running the PTA and the Neighbourhood Watch  
ZZTOP:> Wearing ugly sweaters with kittens on them at Christmas

LUCKY:> Well Ty already does the ugly kitten sweater thing  
LUCKY:> But you lost me completely at hybrid minivan  
LUCKY:> Unless you know how to make a minivan out of a Bronco

ZZTOP:> Then make him a real company man  
ZZTOP:> Sharp suit, nice shoes, cute hair  
ZZTOP:> Smart, ambitious, real smooth talker

LUCKY:> Sorry  
LUCKY:> Can't do it  
LUCKY:> Getting on the bus to Nopesville  
LUCKY:> RIGHT FUCKING NOW

ZZTOP:> Exactly

LUCKY:> So this Cooper guy is very obviously NOT Ty  
LUCKY:> But he doesn't exactly sound like an axe murderer either  
LUCKY:> So what's the fucking problem?

ZZTOP:> Cooper's not the problem  
ZZTOP:> It's the other one  
ZZTOP:> His younger brother

LUCKY:> Oooooh  
LUCKY:> So Good Twin and Evil Twin?

ZZTOP:> You don't know the half of it

LUCKY:> Seriously Garrett?

ZZTOP:> Seriously what?

LUCKY:> I can't believe how shitty that pun was

ZZTOP:> What?

LUCKY:> We're talking about identical twins  
LUCKY:> And you tell me I don't know THE HALF OF IT?

ZZTOP:> Oh  
ZZTOP:> Yeah okay  
ZZTOP:> That was really bad

LUCKY:> Fucking terrible  
LUCKY:> But continue

ZZTOP:> So the evil twin is this guy called Orlov

LUCKY:> Wait a minute  
LUCKY:> Why isn't he called Cooper as well?  
LUCKY:> How can they be identical twins?  
LUCKY:> But have DIFFERENT FUCKING SURNAMES?

ZZTOP:> It's a long story

LUCKY:> No shit

ZZTOP:> So anyway  
ZZTOP:> The other one  
ZZTOP:> He's Russian  
ZZTOP:> From Moscow

LUCKY:> Is Cooper Russian as well?

ZZTOP:> Nope  
ZZTOP:> He's American  
ZZTOP:> From Delaware

LUCKY:> How the FUCK do you have identical twins  
LUCKY:> Where one is an American guy from DELAWARE?  
LUCKY:> And the other is a Russian guy from MOSCOW?

ZZTOP:> Like I said  
ZZTOP:> It's a long story

LUCKY:> That's not a long story Garrett  
LUCKY:> That's a goddamn soap opera on acid!

ZZTOP:> Ty doesn't believe them  
ZZTOP:> He thinks they're making the whole thing up  
ZZTOP:> He says the CIA is putting us through a secret psychological evaluation  
ZZTOP:> To see how well we cope with an ongoing campaign of deliberate misinformation  
ZZTOP:> He keeps sweeping the store for bugs  
ZZTOP:> And he won't drink the water from the tap

LUCKY:> Jesus, Ty

ZZTOP:> Anyway

LUCKY:> Sorry  
LUCKY:> You were saying

ZZTOP:> Orlov  
ZZTOP:> The Russian guy  
ZZTOP:> Very much the Evil Twin

LUCKY:> Exactly how evil are we talking here?

ZZTOP:> Would probably make Liam Bell back away slowly with his hands up evil?

LUCKY:> Okay wow  
LUCKY:> That is actually quite evil

ZZTOP:> He's the total asshole version of Ty

LUCKY:> That's a good way to phrase it

ZZTOP:> What is?

LUCKY:> You couldn't just say he's the asshole version of Ty  
LUCKY:> Because Ty is already an asshole  
LUCKY:> You need to go even further up the scale

ZZTOP:> Nick?

LUCKY:> Yeah?

ZZTOP:> Not helping

LUCKY:> Sorry

ZZTOP:> So I have Regular Ty, Normal Ty and Evil Ty

LUCKY:> Doesn't work

ZZTOP:> What doesn't work?

LUCKY:> Regular Ty  
LUCKY:> Doesn't work

ZZTOP:> The fuck are you talking about?

LUCKY:> Should be Ty Classic

ZZTOP:> Seriously?

LUCKY:> Ty Classic, Ty Lite and Ty Dark

ZZTOP:> Nick?

LUCKY:> Yeah?

ZZTOP:> Not helping

LUCKY:> Sorry  
LUCKY:> Question for you

ZZTOP:> Shoot

LUCKY:> How's Ty dealing with all this?

ZZTOP:> Taking a cruise down a river in Egypt

LUCKY:> Really?

ZZTOP:> Yeah  
ZZTOP:> On the world's biggest cruise boat  
ZZTOP:> Says the twins look nothing like him  
ZZTOP:> Thinks we're all going nuts or yanking his chain

LUCKY:> Huh  
LUCKY:> Interesting

ZZTOP:> Please don't say that  
ZZTOP:> You sound like Deacon

LUCKY:> Sorry  
LUCKY:> So is Ty getting along with them?

ZZTOP:> Depends

LUCKY:> On what?

ZZTOP:> Mostly on what they're talking about

LUCKY:> Oh?

ZZTOP:> Should have seen them this morning  
ZZTOP:> TWO FUCKING HOURS man-bonding over first person shooter games  
ZZTOP:> Arguing about which one has the most realistic game play

LUCKY:> Oh well that's real easy  
LUCKY:> Anyone with half a brain knows it's Operation Flashpoint  
LUCKY:> You say Call of Duty, I'mma shoot you in your sleep

ZZTOP:> Nick?

LUCKY:> Yeah?

ZZTOP:> Not helping

LUCKY:> Sorry  
LUCKY:> Hang on a minute  
LUCKY:> So the twins, they're both ex-military?

ZZTOP:> Yeah  
ZZTOP:> Forgot to mention that

LUCKY:> Which branch?

ZZTOP:> Cooper was in the Marines

LUCKY:> Really?  
LUCKY:> Recon?

ZZTOP:> Some other division  
ZZTOP:> He told us but I don't remember

LUCKY:> Commissioned or enlisted?

ZZTOP:> He said he joined up right out of high school  
ZZTOP:> That would mean enlisted right?

LUCKY:> Yeah  
LUCKY:> And Delaware is east of the Mississippi

LUCKY:> Yeah so?

LUCKY:> Means he went to Parris Island  
LUCKY:> Just like the rest of us

ZZTOP:> Gotcha  
ZZTOP:> That was another man-bonding moment  
ZZTOP:> Ty and Cooper bitching about how terrible Basic Training was  
ZZTOP:> Then Orlov waded in with his sob stories from Russian boot camp  
ZZTOP:> It was like listening to a Monty Python sketch  
ZZTOP:> Who had to drink out of a rolled up fucking newspaper

LUCKY:> LOL  
LUCKY:> Who had to get up at 4am to clean out the lake

ZZTOP:> I think Orlov won that one though  
ZZTOP:> Some of the Spetsnaz shit he talked about was fucking scary

LUCKY:> So this Cooper guy?

ZZTOP:> Yeah?

LUCKY:> Same age as Ty?

ZZTOP:> Not sure  
ZZTOP:> But more or less

LUCKY:> Need to look into that  
LUCKY:> Find out what he did in the Corps  
LUCKY:> What about Orlov?  
LUCKY:> What's his background?

ZZTOP:> Russian special forces then SVR and FSB

LUCKY:> SVR and FSB?

ZZTOP:> Yeah

LUCKY:> How the FUCK does an SVR and FSB agent end up working for the CIA?

ZZTOP:> I asked Cooper that

LUCKY:> And?

ZZTOP:> He said "it's complicated"

LUCKY:> That is without a doubt the single biggest understatement I have EVER heard

ZZTOP:> Tell me about it

LUCKY:> So when are Ty and the twins NOT getting along?

ZZTOP:> Pretty much any time they're not man-bonding

LUCKY:> Are they shouting at each other?

ZZTOP:> I wish

LUCKY:> Are they shooting at each other?

ZZTOP:> If only

LUCKY:> So what the fuck ARE they doing then?

ZZTOP:> Snarking

LUCKY:> Snarking?

ZZTOP:> Snarking

LUCKY:> Well Ty's a pretty good snarker

ZZTOP:> Yes I am aware of this

LUCKY:> So he's holding his own, right?

ZZTOP:> More or less

LUCKY:> More or less?  
LUCKY:> I'm sorry  
LUCKY:> Are we talking about the same Tyler Grady here?  
LUCKY:> Tyler 'Sarcasm Is Part Of My Food Pyramid' Grady?

ZZTOP:> That's him

LUCKY:> So Cooper and Orlov  
LUCKY:> Giving just as good as they get?

ZZTOP:> Yeah  
ZZTOP:> Sometimes better  
ZZTOP:> Especially Orlov  
ZZTOP:> Guy lives on snark and vodka

LUCKY:> Oooooh  
LUCKY:> Nasty?

ZZTOP:> Verbal Fucking World War 3

LUCKY:> Ouch

ZZTOP:> And I'm Switzerland

LUCKY:> Could be worse

ZZTOP:> How?

LUCKY:> You could be Poland

ZZTOP:> Nick?

LUCKY:> Yeah?

ZZTOP:> Not helping

LUCKY:> Sorry

ZZTOP:> They're here until Wednesday night  
ZZTOP:> What the fuck am I gonna do?

LUCKY:> Let Russia invade you?

ZZTOP:> What bit about NOT HELPING do you NOT understand?

LUCKY:> Sorry  
LUCKY:> Couldn't resist that one  
LUCKY:> But tell me you haven't thought about it

ZZTOP:> Thought about what?

LUCKY:> A Russian invasion

ZZTOP:> The fuck are you talking about?

LUCKY:> A Russian invasion  
LUCKY:> Jesus Christ Zane  
LUCKY:> Do I have to draw you a goddamn picture?  
LUCKY:> LETTING THE HOT RUSSIAN GUY INVADE YOU

ZZTOP:> What?  
ZZTOP:> No!  
ZZTOP:> I'm married!  
ZZTOP:> Of course I haven't thought about it!

LUCKY:> Really?  
LUCKY:> So you're working with two dudes who look just like Ty  
LUCKY:> And you haven't thought about fucking either of them

ZZTOP:> Nope  
ZZTOP:> Not even once

LUCKY:> Uh huh  
LUCKY:> Married isn't dead you know  
LUCKY:> And thinking isn't doing

ZZTOP:> Okay, okay!  
ZZTOP:> Maybe once  
ZZTOP:> But it was just in passing I swear  
ZZTOP:> ZERO serious interest behind it

LUCKY:> My lips are sealed  
LUCKY:> So which one?

ZZTOP:> What?

LUCKY:> Which one did you think about fucking?  
LUCKY:> Ty Lite or Ty Dark?

ZZTOP:> I refuse to answer that

LUCKY:> Or what about both of them at once?  
LUCKY:> That was totally it, wasn't it?

ZZTOP:> Can we PLEASE change the topic now?

LUCKY:> You're a dirty fucker Garrett

ZZTOP:> Well excuse the fuck out of me Snow White

LUCKY:> So is Orlov giving you any hassle?  
LUCKY:> I mean about you and Ty being married

ZZTOP:> Why the hell would he do that?

LUCKY:> Russia, remember?  
LUCKY:> Not the most 'dudes fucking each other' friendly country in the world

ZZTOP:> Huh  
ZZTOP:> Never thought about that  
ZZTOP:> Hasn't said a thing

LUCKY:> Not giving off any passive-aggressive vibes?

ZZTOP:> Nope  
ZZTOP:> I'm picking up some other vibes though  
ZZTOP:> If you know what I mean

LUCKY:> Oh dude you're not saying?

ZZTOP:> Uh huh

LUCKY:> REALLY?  
LUCKY:> Fuck me

ZZTOP:> But don't take my word for it  
ZZTOP:> My detector isn't the most finely-tuned

LUCKY:> So what's pinging?  
LUCKY:> Gaydar or Bi-Fi?

ZZTOP:> He seems to sleep with a lot of women  
ZZTOP:> So if it's anything, it's the latter

LUCKY:> So it was TOTALLY Ty Dark you were thinking about fucking

ZZTOP:> Nick

LUCKY:> You want to be Poland

ZZTOP:> NICK

LUCKY:> You want Russia to invade you

ZZTOP:> GONNA HANG UP THE CALL RIGHT FUCKING NOW

LUCKY:> Then have a big hunky Recon marine come rescue you from the filthy Communist comrade

ZZTOP:> PRESSING THE BUTTON

LUCKY:> Sorry man  
LUCKY:> Let's change the topic

ZZTOP:> LET'S

LUCKY:> What about Cooper?  
LUCKY:> You getting any vibes from him?

ZZTOP:> Not a thing  
ZZTOP:> Guy's so straight you could use him as a fucking ruler

LUCKY:> Have they met the FBI team yet?

ZZTOP:> First meeting was on Wednesday morning

LUCKY:> How did that go?

ZZTOP:> Total fucking shit-show

LUCKY:> That good?

ZZTOP:> Took an hour for everyone to get over the whole doppelganger thing  
ZZTOP:> Ty got so annoyed he threatened to shoot one of the new recruits  
ZZTOP:> Almost made the poor bastard cry

LUCKY:> There's the Beaumont we know and love

ZZTOP:> Cooper was all business from start to finish  
ZZTOP:> Really knows his way around PowerPoint

LUCKY:> It's a very useful skill

ZZTOP:> Orlov almost caused a fight

LUCKY:> What did he do?

ZZTOP:> Told Clancy she had really nice tits

LUCKY:> Oh wow  
LUCKY:> That is so NOT a good idea

ZZTOP:> Yeah

LUCKY:> I mean it's true  
LUCKY:> She DOES have really nice tits

ZZTOP:> But you would never say that to her face  
ZZTOP:> Unless you REALLY wanted to die

LUCKY:> No shit  
LUCKY:> How did Clancy take it?

ZZTOP:> She tried to shoot him

LUCKY:> Seriously?

ZZTOP:> Had her gun clear of the holster with the safety off  
ZZTOP:> Someone had to tackle her

LUCKY:> Oh man  
LUCKY:> Wish I could have seen that

ZZTOP:> It was slightly epic

LUCKY:> What did Orlov do?

ZZTOP:> Didn't even blink  
ZZTOP:> Think it just turned him on  
ZZTOP:> He asked me if Clancy was single

LUCKY:> Jesus  
LUCKY:> One of those assholes

ZZTOP:> Yeah  
ZZTOP:> Three track mind kind of guy

LUCKY:> Three?

ZZTOP:> Drinking, fighting, fucking  
ZZTOP:> Says it's the only things he's any good at

LUCKY:> A man should know where his talents lie  
LUCKY:> So what did Cooper do?  
LUCKY:> When Clancy tried to shoot Orlov?

ZZTOP:> He was the one who tackled her  
ZZTOP:> Talked her in off the ledge

LUCKY:> Understandable  
LUCKY:> Not sure I'd want someone to shoot my brother  
LUCKY:> Even if he was being a huge bag of dicks

ZZTOP:> Don't think Cooper cared about that

LUCKY:> Oh?

ZZTOP:> He kept yelling about the paperwork

LUCKY:> Cold

ZZTOP:> Yeah

LUCKY:> But valid

ZZTOP:> Yeah

LUCKY:> Shoot someone INSIDE an FBI building?  
LUCKY:> Gonna be paperwork hell to pay  
LUCKY:> Better be sure the bastard you're shooting REALLY deserves it

ZZTOP:> No shit  
ZZTOP:> On a scale of Justin Bieber to Hitler?  
ZZTOP:> Needs to be at LEAST a Jack the Ripper

LUCKY:> So I've been looking at the schedules out of Logan  
LUCKY:> If I get my shit together, I can make the next flight to BWI  
LUCKY:> Could be at your place around nine

ZZTOP:> Don't worry about it  
ZZTOP:> I'm fine  
ZZTOP:> Just needed to rant at someone for a while  
ZZTOP:> Let off a bit of steam

LUCKY:> Still coming

ZZTOP:> Why?

LUCKY:> Seriously?  
LUCKY:> You have to ask?  
LUCKY:> I gotta fucking see this for myself!

ZZTOP:> Nick?

LUCKY:> Not helping?

ZZTOP:> How did you know?

LUCKY:> Call it a lucky guess  
LUCKY:> I'm gonna text Kelly as well  
LUCKY:> Tell him to get his ass on a plane  
LUCKY:> Make a proper weekend of it

ZZTOP:> OH GOD NO

LUCKY:> OH GOD YES

ZZTOP:> PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME

LUCKY:> C'mon man!  
LUCKY:> You can't expect me to let something like this go

ZZTOP:> YES I FUCKING CAN

LUCKY:> Relax Garrett  
LUCKY:> It's gonna be fun!

ZZTOP:> We really need to talk about your concept of fun

LUCKY:> You think they play paintball?

ZZTOP:> Who?

LUCKY:> Cooper and Orlov

ZZTOP:> Jesus Nick

LUCKY:> Cooper, I'd think so  
LUCKY:> Orlov, not so sure  
LUCKY:> Do they have paintball in Russia?

ZZTOP:> Was probably 'inwented in Russia'

LUCKY:> Did you just make a Star Trek joke?

ZZTOP:> Maybe

LUCKY:> You're such a fucking geek

ZZTOP:> Says the geek who totally got the joke

LUCKY:> We'll need to figure out teams

ZZTOP:> For what?

LUCKY:> For paintball  
LUCKY:> We should put The Three Amigos on the same team  
LUCKY:> Keep it nice and simple

ZZTOP:> How is that keeping it nice and simple?

LUCKY:> Then the rest of us just shoot anyone who looks like Ty

ZZTOP:> Huh  
ZZTOP:> That actually makes perfect sense

LUCKY:> Not just a pretty face Garrett

ZZTOP:> Not gonna say what I really want to say here

LUCKY:> Fuck you Garrett

ZZTOP:> Bite me Irish

LUCKY:> Gotta go now  
LUCKY:> Need to throw some stuff in a bag if I want to make that flight

ZZTOP:> Don't you have some kind of job to go to?

LUCKY:> Not right now

ZZTOP:> Or stuff to do in Boston this weekend?

LUCKY:> Nothing I can't do next weekend instead

ZZTOP:> I should just go make up the spare room now, shouldn't I?

LUCKY:> Yup  
LUCKY:> And Garrett?

ZZTOP:> What?

LUCKY:> Loose lips sink ships  
LUCKY:> Not a fucking word to Grady

ZZTOP:> Wouldn't dream of it  
ZZTOP:> About time I got some fucking laughs out of this

LUCKY:> Good boy  
LUCKY:> Signing off  
LUCKY:> See you all in a few hours

With that, Nick's icon changed to 'Gone', and the chat conversation dropped.

Zane closed the lid of the laptop over, leaned all the way back in the chair, groaned softly and slowly rubbed his face with his hands. Could this week _possibly_ get any worse?

Someone knocked quietly but firmly at the door; three short, authoritative raps. "Agent Zane, you have been in the office for quite a long time," said Kirill Orlov, sounding extremely concerned. "Are you well? I have just made another pot of your favourite coffee. Perhaps I could bring you a cup?" the Russian offered politely.

Zane grinned, shook his head, pushed himself away from the desk and reached out to unlock the door. It swung open with a creak, and there stood Kirill Alexandrovich Orlov; 172 lean and mean pounds of sex-obsessed, borderline homicidal, vodka-powered snark, looking almost as concerned as he sounded.

"I'd love another cup of coffee, Kirill, thank you," Zane replied, knowing the Russian usually brewed it as strong as death and as black as night, the same way he made it himself. "And I'm sorry I disappeared on you guys for a while there. I didn't mean to cause any alarm. I just needed a... quiet moment," he explained as he pushed himself up out of the chair.

Kirill's frown instantly dropped, and he nodded sagely. "I understand, Agent Zane. We are men, and life can sometimes be very stressful. We all need an occasional quiet moment," he advised, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. He furrowed his brows again and looked around the corridor as if to check who was listening in. "But your office does not seem like the ideal location to me," he whispered. "Perhaps next time, you should have your quiet moment in the men's bathroom instead, yes?" He gave Zane a salacious wink, patted him amiably on the arm and sauntered off towards the kitchen at the back of the store, presumably to check on the coffee.

Ty came strolling around the corner just in time to witness the wink and the pat. He turned to Zane, eyebrows raised, silently demanding an explanation.

Zane sighed and reached up to rub the bridge of his nose. "If nobody minds, I think I'd really like to kill him now," he said in a quiet voice, gesturing after the departing Russian.

Ty snorted and rolled his eyes. "Take a fucking ticket, Lone Star," he retorted. "Get to the back of the line."

Out of the blue, Ty leaned in to brush a kiss across Zane's lips. Zane slipped a hand around Ty's waist and pulled him closer, demanding more. It occurred to him then that between one work-related thing and another, it had been more than a week since he'd last gotten laid. He made a mental note to fix this entirely unacceptable state of affairs as soon as he had the chance.

A delicate cough interrupted the private moment. Orlov had returned from the kitchen, bearing the promised mug of joe. Zane took the steaming container from him, nodding his head in silent thanks. The Russian opened his mouth as if to start a new conversation, then took one look at the thunderous expression on Ty's face and wisely decided he had something more important to do out at the front of the store. He hadn't spoken to his brother for at least ten minutes, so it was probably time to stir up some trouble with Agent Cooper instead.

Suddenly, a very peculiar light switched on in Zane's head.

"Grenada," he announced, to nobody in particular.

Ty frowned. "What about it?" he asked.

"I don't want to be Poland, Ty," Zane explained. "I want to be Grenada."

"Lone Star, the fuck are you talking about?" Ty demanded in a weary tone.

Zane shook his head. "Nothing, doll. Don't worry about it," he advised, realizing this was neither the time nor the place to have this particular conversation. "But the next time you talk to Nick, tell him I want to be Grenada. Not Poland. Trust me. He'll understand."

"Grenada?"

"Grenada."

"The island in the Caribbean we invaded back in the eighties to keep the commie assholes at bay," Ty summarized. "That Grenada?"

"That's the one," Zane said with a nod. "US troops welcome, especially hunky Recon marines. The commie assholes can take a hike."

"Okay, glad we got that sorted out. Tell Nick you want to be Grenada," Ty repeated, still looking and sounding completely confused. "Not sure when I'll get the chance, though. He just texted me to say he's heading out of town for a few days. Might be a while before I talk to him again."

True to his word, Zane said nothing, but simply smiled serenely at his spouse and took a careful sip of his coffee.

The fun and games were about to begin.


End file.
